After postponing my appointments for almost 2-3 months, I finally went for it on 24th June. I was (and still) not in the right condition to be around many people. Had to Uber there and Uber again to go home. Also, it has been a complete 4 weeks of us not going out on Saturdays. Like I said, my condition is worsening.
I snap too easily; easier than always. There's nothing which can make me feel hopeful. Staying positive is negative. The more I think things are fine, the worse it'll be.
I know what I'm doing, how I am right now, is driving people away from me. At the same time, it feels right but wrong that I'm trying my hardest to push people away. Mainly because I don't want to end up disappointed. I don't want to put any hopes on anyone, even blood-related family.
I'm stuck. Stuck within my own mind and body. I know where I stand - nowhere up to par to anyone. I'm always left out. I can't fit in. Even if I try to be open, I'll end up being the one ignored. Nobody can make me feel comfortable. I want to. But I can't.
