Amidst the noisy city, the atmosphere around you stays quiet and dark. It serves as an advantage for you, the one who enjoys silence and isolation. The number of people you rely on makes you think you are not alone in any kind of circumstances but unfortunately, it doesn't guarantee you a happier day. Ironically, you hate being alone and isolated no matter how much you enjoy it. You yearn for a companion, a different and a better life to live. Perhaps, if possible, a care-free one. But it's hard when you are the only one who cooperates with everyone else and only you have the nature of caring for their feelings. When they have problems and you've got no way to help, you still insist on cheering them up by making up jokes even if it makes you look like a fool in public. You don't really care for yourself as long as everyone else is in a good mood and out of stress. But you still yearn for something...for yourself.
You've explained to them about how you have been feeling and what you think might help. Most of the time they agree. They make promises. Sadly, they have never execute it. They often pretend it's just how life is. They put up excuses like they are tired and they have their own problems to deal with. They are the reason why you hate the word 'later'. They showed you how unworthy you are. They gave you empty promises. You are back to where you were - alone and lonely.
You have emotions. Everyone does. But you letting out what you've kept for long is unacceptable. While they always cuss and complain, letting out their tantrums and showing their attitude just because they are tired, is acceptable. You must agree to that. No complains. You start to ask yourself...Is this all worth it? Is this fair for yourself? Are you not selfish enough? It feels like you are alive but nobody acknowledges your existence. Or they are just plain ignorant..? Or you are just not worth it...
Lost, close to invisible. Will there be a better future? Will things get better?
Am I the only one stuck in solitary confinement of my own world which I wish my loved ones would pay attention to and realise I'm drowning, I'm screaming for help?
When will all these end?
