Recently things have been major triggers for me even when it's unreasonable. I get angry at the littlest things, I lash out without any patience. I would say I'm burnt out but at the same time it feels like a relapse. You know the things that happened in the past not really settled but most probably you've learnt to ignore and forced yourself to forget? It all comes back. Pretty much like a flashback but feels more like a flashbang. All hell let loose in your brain, you can't control but to respond in a negative way. Flight is not a choice. Only fight.
As usual, I'm exhausted from thinking of the near future -- Planning out this and that, avoiding rush but in the end I'll be rushed indefinitely. Tired. Where do people get their time while I, a person who stays at home, always run out of time? Baybeats is happening this week. I have to think about when to go back to the other house, what to pack, when to come back here, what time to go out the next day and the last day is gonna be hell for me as I've got to bodek my way out without making them think I'm taking advantage of them. This is the reason why I hate Friday and Sunday gigs. It messes up my schedule. I'm talking about child responsibilities.
